whirlwind end of summer (including tons of baking).

I have been running nonstop for the past couple of weeks. First it was the Labor Day weekend block party, then I was sick as a dog for the entire week. The following weekend was MusicFest and I spent most of the two days out of the house. On Monday might my mom headed over to my aunt's house to play nurse because my aunt was having surgery, not returning home until Thursday afternoon.

Apricot bars my mom and I made for my aunt.

For those four days, I had to play house - clean, grocery shop, prepare my own meals and make sure my dad and brother were taken care of, and other random chores. Not that I minded, because I adore doing all those things, but keeping tabs on my brother is handful and both he and my dad get needy when my mom's not around. My dad likes to talk to me more, bug me about random things... basically, he acts like a lost puppy with nobody to bother. My brother gets the same way, though he's less annoying and is someone who I can go to and gripe about my dad. Still, it's a big energy drain.

Banana muffins I made while mom was gone to use up our uber-ripe bananas.

I should also mention that at the same time, towards the end of the week, I was putting things together for Mark's birthday party, which was that Friday. Since he and his housemates are busy with school, he left it up to me to provide most of the food, which I was happy to do. I baked cookies and cupcakes, made a berry trifle, and brought over chips and paper goods. The party was an absolute blast - Mark's friends are so fun and his roommates actually got him to play beer pong (which, if you knew him, you'd understand what a big deal that is).

Chocolate chip cookies!

Sprinkle cupcakes, which were really good. I ate about six leftovers in one day. Oops.

After the party, I crashed. Aside from going to work and running errands on Tuesday, I have mostly been completely useless and unproductive since Saturday. I have gotten around to more leisurely things, like catching up on Glee, watching Up and The Bucket List using our new Netflix subscription, starting back up on my cross-stitch, and cracking open the first Harry Potter book in hopes of making my way through the series before Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out (and realizing now that I only have two months to get through seven books... but I'm challenging myself to do it).

So that, along with copious amounts of baking, is what I've been up to. This weekend I'm visiting a friend at her apartment at grad school and hopefully getting a chance to catch up on everyone's lives, either in person or via e-mail. I can't believe it's officially fall - that totally snuck up on me - but I can't wait to start wearing scarves and indulging in Pumpkin Spice Lattes, as well as figuring out if I'll have any plans for Halloween and if so, what I should be! Oh fall, I love you so.

ten on tuesday [vol. 9].

1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed?
Dance.

2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend?
Unfortunately, nothing that weird is coming to mind. The only thing I can think of is when I drove my friend to the mall and helped her pick out gag gifts for her sister's bachelorette party, including awkwardly buying condoms from the drugstore.

3. What cleaning supply could you not live without?
Not that I'm dependent on any one cleaner, but I guess I'd have to pick Lysol Disinfectant Wipes just for their practicality. I figure they're pretty useful since they disinfect and can clean a variety of surfaces.

4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside?
As short a period of time as possible. I'm currently still living at home with my parents and both parties are supremely unhappy. Once I get a job, I'm splurging on a Smartphone and probably something silly I want, then saving almost all of the remaining money to afford an apartment.

5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all?
I vote straight party for all minor elections and typically do the same for the presidential election. However, since I've only participated in one presidential election, I don't have a "habit." I will likely vote straight party in the future, but I leave all possibilities open - I wouldn't vote for a person if they were my party but I completely opposed what they stood for.

6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for?
Crafting. And even dancing, sadly, though that's usually because I don't have the facilities to really dance like I want to.

7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people?
For my girlfriends, I love shopping at Victoria's Secret for cute loungewear and pajamas. But overall, I really adore Target. I can find something for anyone there.

8. What’s the weather like around you today?
Right now it's pretty cool out and the sun's just coming up. It's supposed be sunny and around 70 today, I think.

9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read?
Since I haven't read too many books (I'm getting back into it!), I don't have many to pick from. I will say that I wasn't the biggest fan of Shopaholic and Sister - the main character is a little too annoying and bratty for me.

10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow?
A set of small sticky notes in the shape of an apple and a highlighter.

These questions are a part of Ten on Tuesday which is run by Roots and Rings.

my gleekiness is showing.

I am on Glee overload, everyone. I’m re-watching the first half of the first season and catching up on the second half before the premiere on Tuesday. Plus, I follow a few Gleek blogs on Tumblr (if you're not following me, click that link and do it!) and my dash has been littered with all sorts of goodness.

Like an abundance of Kevin McHale.

You can have Cory Monteith and Mark Salling. Yes, Cory’s the cute heartthrob and Mark’s the smokin’ hot bad boy. But give me Kevin McHale, with his geek chic and bow ties and glasses* any freakin’ day.

I mean, seriously.

And now I've lost my ability to string together coherent thoughts. Five days, Gleeks!

*I should mention that I have a thing for guys with glasses to begin with. Which, according to a few of my guy friends, is an anomaly because they claim that girls aren't attracted to boys with glasses. Whatevs, glasses are totally attractive. Somebody agree with me, please. (Unless I really am an anomaly, in which case... cool beans, more hot guys with glasses all for me.)

ten on tuesday [vol. 8].

1. Favorite way to travel (plane, train, automobile, etc.)
Considering I haven't traveled in many different ways - I've never been on a plane and have only been on crummy NJTransit trains - I would have to say car rides are my favorite. Driving is actually really relaxing for me because I just get to listen to music and have some time to myself. But, I'm also a fan of train rides and would probably adore a longer-distance train ride somewhere.

2. Where’s your favorite place to travel to that you’ve been to?
I have been to very, very few places, so I can only say I love driving to the shore. The Jersey girl in me will never die.

3. Where’s the place that you want to go but have never been?
I don't really have extravagant wishes for where I'd like to travel, simply because I don't think about it. I've never been one of those people who lust over going to specific places. My list is short: I'd love to go to Cali, Hawaii, and Ireland.

4. Do you deal with traffic well?
It depends. If I'm running late, I become very impatient, annoyed, and anxious. The anxiety is usually worsened if I don't know why there is traffic, like if there's an accident that is completely stopping traffic. But, if I'm coming home from work, I really don't mind it. Sometimes it bothers me, but I usually just turn my music up louder and have a dance party.

5. Ever had an emergency while traveling?
Can't say that I have. That is probably my worst nightmare, since I stress about things that probably won't happen, but could.

6. Do you have a passport? What countries have you been to?
I do not. I've never traveled out of the country or even out of my time zone.

7. Are you’ve light packer or do you pack everything but the kitchen sink?
I'm absolutely terrible, but I've also never had a real necessity to pack light (since I've never been on a plane). Usually I over-pack clothes because I can't decide ahead of time what I'll feel like wearing on a given day. Plus, my mother is a serious over-preparer, so I pack things for all kinds of emergencies that will likely never happen.

8. Do you take the fastest route or the road less traveled?
I usually go with the fastest route mainly because my stomach doesn't always cooperate. But taking the road less traveled has its perks, too.

9. Do any activities on the road? (like road games, reading, sleeping, etc. )
Sleeping is my favorite, for sure. Whenever I'm not driving, I'm almost always sleeping, especially if it's on the ride home from somewhere. I've never really been into road games, but my high school friends and I got in the habit of playing Old Maid during class trip bus rides. As for reading, I absolutely cannot do it. Nowadays I'm at least able to look down to read directions to help the driver, but reading makes me dizzy and nauseous. Usually I have to be looking out the windshield the entire time - even looking down to get something out of my purse can make me a little woozy.

10. Use a paper map or GPS?
Both. I don't actually have a GPS of my own, so I borrow my brother's, and I love it. I'm sure if I had my own, I'd use that exclusively. However, my mother has instilled in me the importance of using a paper map, even if it's a print-out from Google Maps.

These questions are a part of Ten on Tuesday which is run by Roots and Rings.

musicfest weekend.

After being sick for the past week and not being able to get out and enjoy the weather, I was looking forward to my weekend at Music Fest. It's a county-run event that includes musical performances, a carnival, vendors, and tons of other activities and is held annually on a weekend in September, just at the end of summer. Every year they host a ton of artists, many that are lesser known with a few big names mixed in. This year, those big artists were OK Go and Train.

Considering I live in a tiny town with the closest concert venue being at least a half hour away, having a series of free concerts being held at a park that is a ten-minute walk from my house is kind of amazing. When I woke up late Saturday morning, I could hear the music from the festival pretty clearly from my bedroom. The weather was perfect and I was feeling much better, so I knew it was going to be a good day.

My brother and dad headed out before I woke up and I went over on my own in the early afternoon, mostly to check out the vendors. There weren’t any artists I particularly wanted to see, but it was nice to have live music playing for most of the time I was there. It was great being so close to home because after a couple of hours (or more, for my brother and dad), we were able to simply walk home to eat dinner instead of shelling out money for greasy carnival food. Plus, I was able to change into something warmer since I knew it would be cooler at night.

Blog, meet my brother! Just FYI, the hat is not a typical everyday look, just a purchase from one of the vendors.

After dinner I went back over with my brother, who ended up leaving early because he’s a music snob and doesn’t like mainstream music he was tired from being there all day. I met up with my friends and we settled in to watch OK Go, who were slightly disappointing. It may have been because we weren’t close to the stage or in the crowd, but they just weren’t as good as I was expecting. Still, the show was decent and I had fun hanging out with my friends.

OK Go


Ashley and me

Train more than made up for the previous mediocre performance. I had a total blast. They were energetic and fun, always engaging the audience to sing along and at one point bringing a bunch of younger girls on stage to sing with them. On the set list were all my favorites: Save Me, San Francisco; Marry Me; Hey, Soul Sister; and of course, Drops of Jupiter.

Our original view of the stage


Pat climbing the set (snagged this from their Facebook group)


The "Trainettes" (also snagged from the FB group) - the girl with the long black sleeves was TOTALLY into it and excited to be on stage

My favorite moment had to be when they played Drops of Jupiter. After they finished Hey, Soul Sister, they left the stage, but we knew they’d play an encore (especially since Drops of Jupiter is their most recognized song and they hadn’t played it yet). The crowd had thinned out a bit – families with younger kids or those wanting to beat traffic started leaving – so my friend Ashley and I were able to make our way up towards the stage a bit. When they came back on, the entire crowd belted out the lyrics from start to finish. It was completely awesome.

Closer to the stage now

Once they finished for good, the huge crowd started making their way out. I got in line for a funnel cake to bring home to my mom when some fireworks started going off; after I got my funnel cake, Ashley and I stuck around until they finished before walking home. Of course, I was totally exhausted when I got home - my feet hurt, my throat was sore, and I had to wait for my hearing to get back to normal - but it was completely worth it.

And just for fun, I put together a video of all the performances I recorded. It's just a bunch of snippets, with shaky camerawork and me singing terribly in the background, but I figured it was worth putting up here.



(If you're interested, you can also go click the following links to see a better version of the Hey, Soul Sister performance and also their encore, Drops of Jupiter.)

On Sunday I went back only for a short while, to see Robert Randolph and the Family Band and pick up some swag, which I'd forgotten to do the night before.

Robert Randolph and the Family Band

Overall it was a fantastic weekend. I got plenty of exercise from walking to and from the park and it was so much fun to be able to attend these great concerts completely for free. I can't wait to find out who'll they'll get for next year!

things that changed her life.

This is a post inspired by Amy over at Just a Titch, whom I adore.

"There are some moments that change your game, your view, your life. They start out normally, but well, they never quite end that way, do they? This is one of mine."

--

{For the past few years, I told my September 11th story. It was an earth-shattering day for me, but for the most part, I was numb. That inability to have any emotion got me through the day without any tears or real feelings at all; it was too surreal for me to take seriously. But I still find it important and, if you weren’t a follower of this blog last September, I encourage you to go read my story. Today, though, I’m going to talk about something else.}

After waking up on the morning of September 12th, 2001 and coming to the realization that school was still in session, I had a small panic attack. Why isn’t school canceled? Hell, why isn’t life canceled? I cried, fought, and begged to stay home, in disbelief that my parents had seemingly no sympathy for my anxiety. I angrily boarded the bus and somehow made it through the day.

I got through it.

That day, girls who knew only my name and the fact that I had family in the Towers passed me in the hallway and warmly asked if everything was okay.

That week, my best friend – the only girl I knew from middle school that was attending my new school – sprawled out on my living room floor with me, crafting up a red, white and blue storm. We strung together bracelets and stuck magnets on the back of American flags made of foam, selling them at school and on the main road in town and donating the profits.

By the end of that month, things had mostly returned to normal. I was once again concerned with making friends, getting used to a new schedule, and finding my way around my new school. Fear was lingering, but I forced it away.

A lot of people comment that 9/11 was a turning point for our generation, that it forced us to grow up fast. It did, even though the repercussions aren’t obvious when I look back and recall my seemingly regular freshman year experience. Then again, I don’t know if I would’ve been as open to the kind words of classmates or had the initiative to organize a impromptu two-person craft sale.

I do know that what we saw and experienced that day was sealed in the hearts of my generation during our tender teenage years. We saw planes hit buildings and people reacting in horror and shock; we heard, on video, the sickening sound of a second low-flying plane screeching into the city and colliding with what we imagined was an indestructible tower. There are heartbreaking pictures of people – victims – hanging out of windows, or covered in soot, or looking lost, confused, and afraid.

We tuck most of these memories away, all of us, in a spot in our minds that rarely sees the light of day. It’s not until the calendar changes to September and all of those images show up again, reminding us. For me, there’s the added emotion of reliving that day. Or wondering what would have happened if my two-weeks-prior visit had instead fallen on that day. Or putting myself in my father’s shoes.

That’s how I really had to grow up. I had to take my exposure to these terrible things and find a place in my memory to store them. I had to develop the strength to keep the scenarios from running through my mind at any given time. I had to face the harsh realities of the world, acknowledging their existence but continuing forward with life in spite of it.

The emotional and mental growth that should have happened slowly over my four years in high school – and even into my first years of college – happened in an instant. One day I was worried about how my uniform looked and if my homework was going to be hard; the following day I became familiar with the notion of terrorism and how there were people who wanted to hurt us.

It was a trial, but I got through it. And, as with anything in life, it only strengthened me.

my weekend that wasn't.

This weekend was full of promise: beautiful weather, my favorite annual block party, and the potential to hang out with a bunch of friends. Too bad I caught the Summer Cold and most of those things were can canceled out by copious amounts of groaning, honey lemon tea, and bed rest.

On Friday night, I felt it coming. I was really drowsy hours before bedtime and, when I finally tried falling asleep, I couldn’t because I had a scratchy throat. After sleeping for maybe four hours, I woke up and felt okay, but not amazing. (I won’t even talk about how I then started getting cramps, at which point I almost cancelled my whole trip.)

Saturday was a mixed bag. The two-hour drive down to the shore was actually tolerable and I felt good when I got there. I chatted with my aunt and her friends, had a drink, and was feeling positive about things. Since I was spending my time mostly with the “adults” for the day, I was glad that I felt comfortable talking to them instead of being the odd one out. We changed into our pirate costumes and were ready to go.

L-R: Uncle Russ, me, Mike, Aunt Laura, Kimmy & Cheryl (my aunt's friends)

The beginning of the party was great – we watched as all the neighbors made their way down the street in various costumes. We posed for pictures, had food and drinks, and it was pretty enjoyable. After dinner, though, I started feeling not-so-hot, to the point where I actually considered going home. I’m glad I stuck it out, though, because I eventually regained my energy and ended up dancing a bit with my aunt and her friends.

My fishy cupcakes!

Even though I felt better physically, I was becoming increasingly annoyed with my cousin. She arrived late with her friends from college and spent the evening playing beer pong, barely offering me an invite to join them. (Looking back, it seems as though it was assumed I would just join the “kids” once they arrived, therefore not needing an explicit invite; hindsight’s twenty-twenty, I guess.)

Once the sun went down, I was having less and less fun. The adults were all chatting amongst themselves, nobody was dancing, and my cousin was nowhere to be found. I sat texting friends on my dying phone when my cousin finally showed up, twenty minutes before the party ended, and went to dance with her friends with nary an invite for me to join them.

At that point, I knew I was being stubborn and could have easily joined them, but I also didn’t want to awkwardly jump in. In a moment of extreme hormonal emo-ness, I walked up the street alone, got changed and packed up in the empty house, and even considered leaving without saying goodbye to anyone. Everyone returned to the house a few minutes later, the kids setting up to play more beer pong and the adults pouring glasses of wine; I made a swift exit before I stewed in my bitterness any longer.

I collapsed into bed Saturday night and on Sunday, I woke up with the horrible cold that my brother passed to me. Instead of enjoying the gorgeous weather, I spent all of Sunday and Monday in bed, playing video games and moaning about how stuffed up my head was. Today I’m feeling a little better, but I think it’ll take another day or two to knock it out of my system.

Hopefully everyone else had a better Labor Day weekend than I did!

who made you king of anything?

This may or may not be the theme song to my life. And by that I mean, it most definitely is.



All my life I've tried
to make everybody happy
while I just hurt and hide
waiting for somebody to tell me
it's my turn to decide.

I don't mean to say that I feel this way on a constant basis, but it seems to happen quite a lot. There are a handful of people in my life - usually the most important ones - who believe they know better than me. If I had a dollar for every time my parents, someone else in my family, or Mark told me how they think I should handle my life, what they think I should do, I would have a fair amount of money to my name. I wish I were exaggerating.

This also doesn't mean that these people don't mean well or that they don't love me, because they do. I don't wish to shed a bad light upon them - everyone who does it has a thousand shining qualities that outweigh this one pesky, negative one. It's just a bad combination of the way they "help" and the way I react to it.

It probably grew from being raised by parents who worked hard to get where they wanted. My mom tells me stories on how she buckled down and always studied; my dad, though slacking a bit in college, has worked like a dog at several jobs since then. To be honest, I feel like they both embody the attitude of having to work hard and be somewhat miserable to get what you want. They were the reason I picked accounting as my major, when I was applying to colleges and had no idea what I wanted. They were the same reason that I begrudgingly stuck with accounting, despite wanting to change majors as early as sophomore year in college.

The majority of my family has similar opinions - it's less about choosing something I enjoy and more about what will be the "best" for my future. Mark was even worse about it, pushing me when he barely knew me, my goals, or what was "best." Being surrounded by so many people, acting like they know exactly who I am and what I want, is exhausting.

Luckily I have my friends. My four best friends from college pulled me through some heinous moments, listening to me vent about how my parents completely shot down my suggestion to switch majors. How I could feel myself hating it more and more every day. How I didn't understand why my parents couldn't be open-minded and supportive, like all of my friends' parents were when they all made choices and changes.

It's only recently that I've begun to force my own opinion into conversations, talking about dream jobs more realistically and making it clear that I'm not going to be pushed around anymore. And, when possible, I refrain from talking about such topics with people who can't get past what they think I should be doing.

Because it's like Sara says, who cares if you disagree? You are not me.

welcome september.

Happy September! I almost can't believe it, this summer flew by so fast. I'm pretty sure I felt the same about spring, so I guess this year is flying by in general. Not sure how I feel about that, considering things aren't improving as quickly as I'd like, but if this year moving forward means progress being made, then bring it on!

My brain's been a bit of a mess lately and I'm not really sure why. There are a bunch of things I want to write about but it's almost as if I'd rather not. It's a struggle between keeping it bottled up - and therefore not making it real - or letting it all out so I don't go crazy. One of those things is being so jealous (in a mostly good way) of my friends, most of whom are going to graduate school, medical school, or becoming a teacher. It kind of blows my mind, actually. So to take my mind away from how much I'd rather be any one of them (even if it means tons of hard work), I'll focus on some goals for the month.

Get healthy. Yes, this is on the list again, but only because it's a constant work in progress. I've been doing better in many ways but am far from feeling 100%. Going out is still a bit of a chore, though I've been pushing myself more and realizing a lot of it is anticipatory stress. My diet has improved and there were a few days when I felt fantastic; then again, the other day all I ate was greasy take-out and pretzel M&Ms, and that ended pretty poorly. Mainly, though, I need to get better for goal number two, which is...

Find a job. Theoretically I should have had a job by now. Sometimes I feel completely ashamed when I look back and realize how much time has passed, how long I put things off, but I can only focus on today and the future. Maybe I spent too much time wallowing in self-pity, dealing with sickness and a handful of emotional things, or maybe I needed all this time. Whatever the case, I'm extremely restless and my parents are starting to drop more and more hints. Plus, I'm tired of everyone asking me about it, so I've decided that this is the month when I'm going to actively look for and pursue job openings. (Also, I'm in need of a new phone and want one with a costly monthly plan that I can't really afford on the itty bitty salary I'm making now. But that's just a minor, icing-on-the-cake reason for getting serious about it.)

Figure out which TV shows to watch this season. I can't have all of my goals be serious, now can I? I love looking up the calendars for when TV shows are premiering, deciding which ones I want to watch religiously. Last year I didn't stick to any of my shows, so I really want to pick a few that I will definitely watch. On top of that, I have twenty-one days to catch up on Glee until the premiere, and judge me all you want, but sometimes silly things need to take some kind of priority.

September will also bring a lot of fun, including a visit to see one of my friends at her new graduate school, attending a local music festival with friends, and a Labor Day block party to cap off my summer officially. I have a feeling it's going to be a lovely fall.