the breakup.

This is a post I really wish I didn't have to write, but I do.

(Well, okay, I don't have to, but blogging tends to be my place to document things and this is a Pretty Big Thing.)

After a two-week-long series of discussions and mind-changing, The Boy and I have (amicably and mutually) decided to break up. Personally, I have yet to decide if it was the right decision in the long run - most times I think it is, but sometimes I hurt so much that I think this can't possibly be the road to take.

We both came to the realization that our relationship was coasting, mainly because we're both dealing with issues that the other can't understand. We think in two different ways and it's not working with the big things going on in our lives. All in all, it seems to definitely be an issue of poor timing, and neither of us knows if the pieces will come back together at a different point in our lives. That's something nobody can know, really. But we're planning on staying friends because while we don't work as a couple anymore, we still get along well and have no reason to cut the other out of our lives.

It seems so strange having this all happen just a month after Valentine's Day and only about two months before our two-year anniversary. It's hard to say goodbye to somebody after that long. I thought it was going to be easier than it has been (I don't know why I though it would be easy) and honestly, I'm a bit of a hot mess right now.

Since this is my first relationship, this is obviously my first break-up. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. Hopefully I'm making plans with friends this week, but otherwise I plan on laying low and watching a lot of TV. Any other sure-fire things to do to make me feel better?

wherein i admit to liking chores.

This week has just been one of those weeks and I know it's only going to get worse. And I don't mean I "know" in the pessimistic sense, but because something is happening Monday that will not be pleasant and will make me very unhappy, something I can't exactly talk about yet.

(I should also mention that this something is partly why I haven't been blogging, because my mind's all jumbly and it involves someone who reads this, so I can't exactly spill my guts on the matter.)

So.

Until then, I'm keeping my chin up by daydreaming about opening an Etsy shop and doing chores. Well, they're not so much chores as ... home improvement projects. I spent the better part of yesterday avoiding a mental meltdown by stripping the finish off of my brother's dresser drawers, touching up the ceiling paint in three different rooms, and putting the majority of my brother's things back in his room. Because I wanted to. (Okay, and because my mother yelled at me for being lazy and I was so going to prove her wrong).

I've always enjoyed doing chores - cleaning, yard work, and all things home improvement. When I was little, I bubbled with excitement when I could put on my "work" clothes and help dad fix something up in the backyard or put some big piece of new furniture together. If we were painting one of the rooms in the house, it was like Christmas. I still get that way. When it came time to paint my brother's room, which needed to be completed in one day, I bounded out of bed in the morning with just four hours of sleep under my belt. Which, if you know me, is totally crazy.

With the remodeling that went on in my dad and brother's rooms, I've had plenty to do and it's been glorious. Plus, it's a decent distraction when you're trying not to think of other things. There's nothing like zoning out as Lady Gaga blasts from your iPod and focusing on the task at hand.

The added benefit of all of this is that I feel ridiculously accomplished. It felt great to say that I did the majority of the work sanding down wall patches and painting both rooms, and I can't wait to completely re-finish my brother's dresser. I don't have much to do these days, so waking up to a long to-do list - and completing the tasks - is somewhat invigorating.

So, even for a completely shitty day mentally, I was damn productive. And that feels really good.

spring has sprung.

Over the weekend, we had a terrible nor'easter that blew through New Jersey and ripped it to shreds from Friday night through Sunday morning. There were downed trees, live electrical wires, black-outs, and flooding. Lots and lots of flooding. We got really lucky - no power outages, just a boil water notice for a few days after the storm. I'm just glad it wasn't snow.

This week the temperatures are expected to hit sixty and I am beyond thrilled. As I write, the sun is shining and the skies are blue. It's still a little chilly, considering it's only 10:30, but I'll take it. Looking out the window and seeing such beautiful weather energizes me and motivates me to be all sorts of productive.

Daylight savings time snuck up on me, and even though I dislike having to lose an hour of sleep, I'm so happy to have more daylight. Even just having an extra hour and eating dinner when the sun's still up is enough to make me start preparing for spring and summer, my two favorite seasons.

One thing I definitely miss, though, is walking around campus on days like this. My college campus was gorgeous; it was the "typical" image of what college looks like. Although I'm sure I would currently be sitting in class, itching to be outdoors, I would gladly take it if it meant being able to walk across campus, lounge on a bench and read, or go for a jog. I miss it so much that I just sent an e-mail out to my girlfriends, hoping that we could have our next meet-up at school so we can get nostalgic and wander campus aimlessly again.

With tomorrow being my brother's birthday and St. Patrick's Day, this week is going to be wonderful. Mostly I'm just excited because I get to make cupcakes, which I plan to decorate adorably even though my brother couldn't care less. Like, I'm more excited to bake than I am to drink. Go figure.

honeybee.

This week, I've succeeded in eating my weight in Cocoa Puffs (okay, so maybe "one box" isn't "my weight," but STILL), playing Text Twist to the point where I'm repeating levels, actually working out (yay!), and looking like this on a daily basis:

Paint freckles on my arm!


Paint freckles... in my hair. Which is much less fun.

On top of all that, turns out my plans for this weekend got postponed to next weekend, which bummed me out. But, I guess it'll be a nice break because next week is basically just a repeat of this week, except that my brother is turning 21 on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, wrap your head around that.

The best part of this week, though, was this. Gaga never fails me.

Update: Okay. So originally I had a Youtube video embedded. But that said it was no longer available. Fine, awesome. So I embed it from Vevo... and apparently you have to click through to see it. So go ahead and do that.

tuesday tidbits.

Sorry to be MIA recently, but we're doing Big Remodeling Projects in the house and I am the sole laborer most of the time. My dad and brother's rooms are set to get new carpets installed next week, which means giving each a fresh coat of pain. Of course, fresh coats of paint were on hold until we cleaned the rooms (they're the two dirtiest in the house) and patched the holes in the walls. But! We're finally on to painting.

And because I'm exhausted from all that (and a ridiculous amount of time spent playing Text Twist with my friends), you get a bulleted list! Hurray!

• Some of my friends and I have decided that AIM has officially died. Gchat and Facebook came along and everyone cleared out of AIM. This is evidenced by the fact that I just changed my profile for the first time in a year when that definitely used to be a weekly thing. Of course, the three of us are still using it, but boy is it lonely.
  
• My brain is all a-buzz with boy things, none of which I can really elaborate on here. Some of it's bad, some of it's good-but-bad-because-I-can't-do-anything-about-it. But oh, is it thought consuming. Blargh.
• Google Analytics is such a tease. It gives me just enough information to make me crazy, especially when there are multiple visits from New Jersey locations that are not my friends who read or any Jersey bloggers I'm aware of. So of course, I come to the (probably paranoid) conclusion that somehow, some IRL friends have found me and are lurking. But lurking is no fun! Delurk! I don't bite. Or at least fess up elsewhere, if commenting makes you itchy with anxiety.
  
• Project Pull My Shit Together is... sorta going forward? I'm working out more, which is a step in the right direction. My eating is still terrible. I'm trying very hard to eat well this week because I have plans on Saturday night (me? out on a Saturday night?! I know, I'm as shocked as you are) and would like to not feel like crap. I guess that means I should lay off the Stouffers frozen french bread pizza.
• And finally, the song that I've had on repeat for about a week now that's probably driving the rest of my family insane:

self sufficient.

Hey internet, remember that time I cut my own hair over the weekend?

Please excuse my makeup-less 8am self, thanks.

Yeah. That was pretty awesome.

Basically, in a moment of spontaneity that had the full potential to end in disaster, I took a pair of Fiskars scissors and cut off at least four inches of my hair. For serious. Go ahead, make the comparison between this photo and the profile picture over there on the right.

I've been trimming my own bangs in between cuts and decided, well, what the hell. I'll give this a shot and if it ends up looking horrible, I'll just go in and get it fixed. I also figured that I don't care about it being perfectly straight - it's not like I go out much and even when I do, nobody is paying attention to how well the ends of my hair line up (at least, I hope nobody is doing that...).

Plus, it helps that I just recently cut a few inches off my brother's hair* and had confidence in my ability to cut in a straight line. So that's two satisfied customers... maybe this could be my at-home business?

*Yes, I said brother. What can I say? He's a hippie. Okay so not really. Except.. yeah, he probably is a modern-day hippie.

march is my month.

Yay, it's March!

I am so in love with the idea of spring this year (more so than usual) because I am damn tired of the snow. I want chirping birds, green grass, budding trees, and sunshine. I am ready.

Additionally, I have made a snap decision that March will be Pull My Shit Together month. My attitude and health need tons of work that, up until now, I have been putting off. Since I'm already in love with Mondays for their fresh-new-beginning quality, the fact that March starts on a Monday is my sign from the universe that it's time for me to start.

In the next few days, I hope to come up with some goals for myself in terms of feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally. I keep putting it off, thinking that I'll find the perfect day when I'm 100% motivated and will bounce out of bed, ready to put together meal plans and to-do lists and goals. But since that day has yet to come, I think it's best that I force myself to start taking it more seriously, even if it means taking a few baby steps every day.