My (Not-So-)Long-Distance Relationship.

We were in the middle of lunch at the P.F. Chang’s right by our old college stomping grounds when my friend Melissa said something that changed the way I saw my relationship. I had just finished describing how Erik and I saw each other on weekends, sometimes only every other weekend. Her response was something along the lines of, “wow, so you’re basically in a long-distance relationship.”

As soon as she said it, I could feel a weight come off of my shoulders. Ever since Erik graduated college and stopped living in his dorm room twenty minutes from my house, we’ve been limited to seeing each other on weekends. We live a little over an hour apart, depending on how quickly we drive, so it can be a bit inconvenient to drop in for a short visit. Weekends are usually all-or-nothing:  either we go straight from work Friday evening and stay until Sunday night, or we skip it. It’s not worth the time and gas money to go for one overnight.

Since then, I had been struggling with so many feelings and frustrations, but couldn’t pinpoint the source. Any weekend not spent together felt like I was unwanted. If there wasn’t the right ratio of alone time and time with friends, I was agitated. When we would part ways on Sunday night, I would go to bed fighting back tears.

I still have some of those feelings, but putting a name on it and identifying it as a long-distance relationship somehow felt better. I was no longer trying to compare it to everyone else’s "normal" (for lack of a better word) relationships, couples who lived together or lived in the same town, and wondering why ours was different. I was more forgiving of my feelings because the circumstances were creating them, not something inherently wrong with the relationship.

When I think of long-distance relationships, my best friend Danielle comes immediately to mind. And when I think about how her husband is several states away from her, how she’s lucky to get any communication at all because he’s in the navy and on a submarine half of the time, I tend to discount my feelings. There’s no way my situation compares at all to hers.

That’s just it, though. Life is not about comparisons. There will always be someone better or worse, richer or poorer, in a better or worse situation. To a couple who live across the globe from each other, me calling an hour-long distance 'long' will be absolutely laughable. To a couple that live together, an hour seems like an eternity. It's not necessarily the exact distance, but that it limits our freedom to see each other. That's the part that sucks the most.

At the end of the day, what matters is how we feel in our given situations regardless of how it looks to other people. If tacking a label to my relationship makes me feel lighter and more peaceful about my life, then so be it.

April.

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April is the first full month of spring, though you wouldn’t know it considering we’ve dropped back down to the thirties and low forties around here. I was very much looking forward to wearing dresses to work, but I guess I’ll have to wait a bit longer.

This month, I have a few pieces of my life I’d like to improve.

Limit spending.

I wanted to cut out spending completely, but I definitely need gas, coffee, and food. My goal is to refrain from spending on anything that isn’t edible (besides the gas, obviously). This allows me to buy groceries, treat myself to lunch and coffee, and split the bill on any dinner dates with Erik. It’s too difficult to try to cut these out, so instead, I’m building my goal around them.

Budget.

When my lunch (half) hour rolls around at work, most of the time I go out and get coffee and something to eat. It’s an excuse to leave my cube and to be lazy about meal planning, but it’s not financially healthy. I’m also prone to impulse shopping: buying a new nail polish ‘just because,’ picking up excessive amounts of candy, or seeing a cool Groupon for something I don’t really need. At the very least, I want to look at my spending and see where I’m willing to cut back, or oppositely, decide it's something I 'need,' budget properly for it, and stop guilt-tripping myself.

Pack lunches.

Yeah, these goals are pretty much all tying in neatly together, aren’t they? This one is both money- and health-conscious because most of my lunches are from McDonald’s. (Which I find funny because I work for a Burger King franchisee. Whoops.) I need to plan out time to research easy-to-prep lunch options and start implementing them.

In addition to these goals, I’m participating in a group called PassionPower, created by Ashley from Your Super Awesome Life. We’ve only had one call so far, but I already know it’s going to be really great for me. April is going to be a really great month and I've got a good feeling about 2013 in general.

Five Things Friday: Making Me Smile.

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1. Having the day off from work! We don't have too many of those at my office, but somehow Good Friday made the list. I was incredibly grateful to have the day to relax, take a mid-day nap, and run some errands.
2. The Happier app. It's basically a nifty little combination of Instagram and Twitter where you share moments that made you smile or feel grateful. Plus, you can change the settings so it prompts you up to three times a day to share a happy moment - it's a helpful reminder when life gets busy and it seems like nothing's going right.
3. Buying a new bathing suit. It's primarily for BiSC, but I also plan on having other summer adventures, especially at my aunt's shore house.
4. Flowers from my mom. On Monday I (regrettably) purchased flowers from the local food store, which promptly died Tuesday. I've made this mistake before. My mom got roses from my dad for their "when we met" anniversary, so she gave me a few for my room.
5. Picking up a random book at the library. I went it to return a book I never got around to reading and found one that piqued my interest simply by the cover (above). My urge to read has returned, so I hope to make some time to get through it before it's due (next Friday!).

What's making you smile this week? Happy Friday (and Happy Easter to those who celebrate)!

30 Before 30: Update 1.

When I got hired last April, it turned my world upside down. For three years post-college, I only worked part-time and had become accustomed to a very flexible schedule and a lot of free time. Once I started on the 9-to-5(:30) grind, I had little time and energy left to focus on anything other than work. All of the goals and habits that were in progress dropped off of my radar completely because I was exhausted by my new schedule.

Now that I've been working for almost a year (crazy!), I've settled into my new normal and am finally ready to get back to working on some goals and habits. To tie it in with my return to blogging, I figured I would take a peek at my 30 Before 30 list and see if I'd made any accidental progress. Turns out I did a handful of things without even trying!

Completed Goals

13. Get a job. This one's pretty obvious, so I won't bother explaining.

18. Go see the Radio City Christmas show. I can't say Erik thought of this completely on his own - I told him it was unofficially on my Christmas list - but he was the one who suggested going together and bought the tickets, so he gets the credit for it anyway. Needless to say, I absolutely LOVED it. I teared up when they first came out, geeked out over the full-on tap routine, and squealed with delight when they did the marching soldier routine. I'm 99% sure Erik slept through half of it, but I was in heaven, and we had a really great night in the city just days before Christmas.

29. Buy a smartphone. As soon as I got my job and saved up enough money, my first big purchase was my iPhone. I honestly can't imagine living without it, especially since I'm not really allowed online at my job except for work-related things.

In-Progress Goals

3. Travel by plane. As I've mentioned, the only convenient way for me to get to Vegas for Bloggers in Sin City is by plane, so this will be happening in May.

22. Attend BiSC at least once! My ticket is purchased and I'm cleared for vacation time, so it's pretty much a done deal. Won't cross it off officially until I've hugged dozens of bloggers, though!

Classic Movie Sub-List

I have a list of thirty-seven classic movies, thanks to the help of Erik, friends, and my lovely readers when I asked for suggestions. It's an arbitrary number; initially I said twenty, but the list just happened to come out to thirty-seven. The only one I've watched so far is Edward Scissorhands, and I missed a chunk in the middle because I was at Erik's and we were getting ready to go somewhere while it was on. Obviously I'm not making the best progress here, but I'm going to put a little more effort into watching more of these.

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There's still a lot of progress to be made on this list, but I think I'm doing pretty well considering I didn't put any effort at all into my accomplishments so far. Stay tuned for the return on monthly goals next week for the beginning of April!

Why I'm Going to BiSC.

For most people, making the decision to go to Bloggers in Sin City was probably just a matter of finances, availability, and the desire to go meet awesome people. As long as they could go without making too big a dent in their bank accounts and were free that weekend, they were signed up. Simple.*

When sign-ups started, I was clear in my decision not to go. I needed to save the money and I was still too scared to get on a plane. It didn’t even cross my mind from the day registration opened until the week it was going to end.

That Monday, for the first time, I entertained the idea. I clicked the link to register to remind myself what the price was, and thought to myself, that’s actually doable. The thought of getting on a plane still scared the crap out of me. So, still no.

On Tuesday or Wednesday, I looked up how long a flight from New Jersey to Las Vegas would take. Five or six hours? No way José.

Then, it was finally Thursday, the last day to register. I sat at work, tweeting about how all the BiSC discussions were bumming me out. My excuse was that I couldn’t afford it; the truth was I didn’t want to fly. I eventually said as much, knowing subconsciously that tweeting about it would open up a conversation about my attendance. People began begging me, claiming they’d fly with me and meet me at baggage claim.

That’s when I knew. I knew that, deep down, I wanted to go. In my heart of hearts, going to BiSC was something I was dying to do. It’s on my 30 Before 30 list, I wanted to meet all these fabulous people, and I wanted a really awesome experience under my belt. I was going to have to fly eventually, so why not go big? Recently I've had this pull to do more, live more authentically, go with my gut and make choices that might be scary but also really exciting.

I decided before the work day was over, but gave myself the drive home to make a “final” decision. After talking it over briefly with my mom and Erik – who were both, surprisingly, supportive – I registered. And then I had a panic attack because holy shit, I’m actually going to have to GET ON A PLANE and FLY FOR FIVE HOURS.

Despite the panic attack and the fact that I still get anxious (and a bit nauseas) every time I think about actually flying, I know it will be worth it. Totally, one-hundred-percent worth it.

*This is just for storytelling purposes and to emphasize my own story. I know the choice might not have actually been that simple for everyone.